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The Milton Measure

Decoding Teacher Comments: What Your Teacher Is Really Thinking

He makes a lot of active contributions. → Chill out. It’s not a Trump rally. It’s math class. She often comes for help → I know a suck up when I see one. He is great to have in class → I don’t know who the f*** this kid is. Is sometimes swayed easily by [...]

Gucci with Bucci: February 26

What’s up Milton Academy? These days, it seems like nobody wants to be at school. Everything you hear out somebody’s mouth is “OMG, the Term Paper is so much work!” and “Damn Ronnie! Back at it again with the rolly backpack!” Morale is low, but come on, it could be worse. Today could be a [...]

Stuff You Could Have Done with a 4-Day Weekend and Things As Big as Peyton Manning’s Forehead

Driven to New York and back 6 times Get CPR certified (for both humans and animals) Lose the SuperBowl Fall in love with Beyonce… again Cheer for your brother when he wins the SuperBowl Bump to Capital Crew’s new hit: Do What I Want Genetically test Donald Trump’s hair Lose your phone in the snow [...]

Gucci with Bucci: February 12

What’s up Milton Academy? Keep your head up. Although you may be down on yourself because you didn’t knock Exam week out of the park, remember that the second semester is a cakewalk, highlighted by a Variety of easy A’s like the DYO, the Freshman Critical Essay and the US History Term Paper. It’s also [...]

Must See TV: Coming Soon This Spring

Discovery Channel’s new show, Milton Academy: The Last Frontier Episode 1 Summary: Milton Academy may seem like a picturesque prep school, but when winter comes around it separates the mates from the lads. Can the Bland family survive another brutal Milton winter? Find out on this season of Milton Academy: The Last Frontier. Praise for [...]

Gucci with Bucci: January 22

What’s up Milton Academy? It’s exam week. Because I have to study for ALL of my upcoming exams, I’ve decided to hand over the reins to somebody who isn’t feeling the stress: my little brother Will Bucci. Don’t worry, the change is only temporary and I’ll be back in the next edition of the Measure. [...]

Are You Naughty or Nice?

Gucci with Bucci: December 11

What’s up Milton Academy? It really is the most wonderful time of the year. Except for all the seniors who think getting some letter in the mail is the single most important event of their entire lives, the whole school community is filled with holiday cheer and a strong eagerness to get back on break. [...]

When the clock strikes twelve, and the boarders are tucked away in their bed, what happens on the quad????

Mr. Bland leads hundred of goats across the quad for extra fertilization. Zac Efron grills a flank steak. Naked. Jake Atwood (II) finally climbs to the top of the big tree in front of the RSG. Milton Academy’s most studious arrive to assembly eight hours early and wait outside. Coach Peth picks things up and [...]

Gucci with Bucci: November 20

What’s up Milton Academy? Before we start, I want to give a message directly to whoever has me in Gotcha: I’m tired of running and hiding, come tag me, I’ll be waiting in the woods behind the girls’ soccer field. After two straight months of nothing but cranky teachers and nauseating TMP back page humor, [...]

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