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The Milton Measure

An Ode to Summer

An Ode to Summer   Oh summer days, oh summer days, Now I know that hard work pays. A restful break is long overdue, We’re done with school and ready for you.   These past few weeks were such a haze, And now we’re ready to sit and laze. With your warm weather and pleasant [...]

What’s on your Milton bucket list?

What’s on your Milton bucket list?   “Get a perfect score on megablunder test” “Get good grades for once” “Get through parent’s day without letting your parents realize that you don’t know what you’re doing” “Take a nap in the stu and not care about what anyone thinks” “Actually start my history research paper on [...]

Top 10 Rejected Boat Dance Proposals

TOP 10 REJECTED BOAT DANCE PROPOSALS 1. Desperate for a boat dance date. Call Kevin Lu (II). 2. Vape in the bathroom stall with me? Boat Dance? 3. I hereby cordially request your presence at a promenade by the sea. 4. Coach Stone promised that JD can fill up the ACC with enough water to [...]

Think of some pranks we can f**k the paper with…

Think of some pranks we can f**k the paper with… Anything with pee Move office to quad Move their office to the girl’s bathroom cuz they’re like all guys Stock toilet paper with old papers Kill them? Too edgy? (All my friends are dead) (Push me to the edge) Put every item in their office [...]

Campus Safety Activity Log

Monday 4-17-17, 3:00pm: Students find a used condom in the Pritzker Lobby. Witnesses report juveniles trying togather DNA Samples for their upcoming DYO Monday 4-17-17, 3:40 pm: Student runs out of toilet paper in the middle of a poop. Remains in the stall for multiple hours and eventually passes out due to dehydration. Ambulance called [...]

Spring Break Pro Tips

Spring Break Pro Tips Intern at Campus Safety to make new friends Kindle a steamy relationship with Stan the Stang Give yourself a sensual calf massage Mentally prepare to give up after returning to school Shoot fireworks at innocent bystanders for entertainment Drink pee by accident for optimal hydration Harass elders Get tested for STDs [...]

A Day in the Life: Underclassmen vs. Upperclassmen

A Day in the Life: Underclassmen vs. Upperclassmen   Underclassmen Upperclassmen Drive to School Hurry up mom I can’t be late to Mr. Ball’s Speech I can definitely take the assembly cut, I think I’m allowed 15 a semester Check-In Hi Ms. Collins! Did your dog figure out that rash situation? *Looks up from study [...]

Things That Should Be Things

some legitimate, some not, all v important to consider. 1. Quad Cow a cow to fertilize (via poop) the quad. No more tuition being spent on the quad. And more importantly, no  more complaints about tuition being spent on the quad. I will look after said cow. 2. anonymous “I’m confused.” button in classes we’ll [...]

Milton Measure Unveils New Snapchat Filter

Gucci with Bucci: April 29

What’s Up Milton Academy? It’s finally here. This is the last one. I will be signing autographs if you’re interested. Senior year has been a crazy ride, and I have grown a lot over the past 2 months. I mean on Monday, I skipped assembly. Senior spring is meant to be a time for the [...]

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