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The Milton Measure

A Day in the Life: Underclassmen vs. Upperclassmen

A Day in the Life: Underclassmen vs. Upperclassmen   Underclassmen Upperclassmen Drive to School Hurry up mom I can’t be late to Mr. Ball’s Speech I can definitely take the assembly cut, I think I’m allowed 15 a semester Check-In Hi Ms. Collins! Did your dog figure out that rash situation? *Looks up from study [...]

Things That Should Be Things

some legitimate, some not, all v important to consider. 1. Quad Cow a cow to fertilize (via poop) the quad. No more tuition being spent on the quad. And more importantly, no  more complaints about tuition being spent on the quad. I will look after said cow. 2. anonymous “I’m confused.” button in classes we’ll [...]

Milton Measure Unveils New Snapchat Filter

Gucci with Bucci: April 29

What’s Up Milton Academy? It’s finally here. This is the last one. I will be signing autographs if you’re interested. Senior year has been a crazy ride, and I have grown a lot over the past 2 months. I mean on Monday, I skipped assembly. Senior spring is meant to be a time for the [...]

Rejected Feature Articles

Gotcha! Why Limiting a Massive Schoolwide Game of Tag to One Building and Some Grass is a Bad Idea An Undercover Investigation of Ware’s Locked Doors and Its Potential Relationship to the Recent Success of Boys Lacrosse How I Changed When I Came to Milton: In Case You Never Heard a Single Class IV Talk [...]

Chris Bucci Head Monitor Profile

Surefire Steps to Becoming Head Monitor: Results Guaranteed!

Rap Blackilicious’ Alphabet Aerobics as your speech. Pay Capital Crew to be featured on one of their tracks. Good publicity. Make an inappropriate joke in your speech in front of the entire school. Write Avery Park’s (I) Bio DYO so she’ll endorse you. Make an Insta marketing your campaign. Make an Insta trashing the other [...]

Gucci with Bucci: April 8

What’s up Milton Academy? You can’t get ready for summer too early. Just because there is snow on the ground doesn’t mean that you can’t go outside and work on your tan this weekend. Summer isn’t a time of year, it’s a state of mind, and the key to a great summer is mentally preparing [...]

Better Presidential Candidates

Todd Bland “America is BEAUTIFUL” Capital Crew “We’re just looking for a good time” Andre Heard “Keeping America safe, one backpack at a time” Tom Brady “Do I even need a slogan?” Leonardo DiCaprio “I won an Oscar” Mr. Reddicks “Unwilling because it is not Boys Varsity Basketball” Captain America “My name is literally America” [...]

Gucci with Bucci: March 10

What’s Up Milton Academy? It’s Spring Break! Freshmen are rejoicing because, I don’t know, nobody knows anything about the freshmen. Sophomores are rejoicing because their ridiculously easy and stress free lives are about to get even easier and somehow less stressful. Juniors are rejoicing that nobody from their grade is going to get DC’d over [...]

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