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The Milton Measure

Gucci with Bucci: February 12

by on Friday, February 12th, 2016

What’s up Milton Academy?

Keep your head up. Although you may be down on yourself because you didn’t knock Exam week out of the park, remember that the second semester is a cakewalk, highlighted by a Variety of easy A’s like the DYO, the Freshman Critical Essay and the US History Term Paper. It’s also important you don’t forget about what really matters in life: college finding true love. Nearly everyone is waiting with baited breath for Valentine’s Day, but if you are not an expert Romantic connoisseur like me, fear not, for I have created a list of the Most Romantic Things for You to do this Valentine’s Day. Make sure to keep a reign on it though, especially all you Underclassmen, high school is a lot less Romeo and Juliet and a lot more The Departed.

Find a real Valentine. Reading a love poem to your special lady at sunset with a bouquet of flowers in your hand doesn’t work to great when it’s your mom.
Dress to impress. Wearing a T-Shirt and shorts just screams “I don’t care about you.” If you want to go the extra mile, order up a tuxedo rental or pull out that prom dress a couple months early.
Capture the moment forever. Get a friend to put your big ask on their Snap story, or even better, hire Evan Scales Visuals.
Keep it private. Nobody wants a repeat of the Oops I Thought the Deans Office had Tinted Windows incident of 2015.
Don’t go snooping around. You’d think that the teachers lounge would be empty, but it wasn’t. Cannot be unseen.

If all else fails and you forget all of my life-changing advice, just listen to your heart, unless it’s telling you “that freshman is definitely too young.” In that case, ignore your heart and go for it. As usual, if you have any questions or need to part ways with a large amount of cash, stop me in the hallways or send a Morse Code Telegraph to 617-298-7781.

Stay Gucci,

PS. Seniors, when filling out superlatives, make sure to put me down for Best Body. Thanks!

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Posted by on Feb 12 2016. Filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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