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The Milton Measure

A Timeline of Prom

by The Milton Measure on Friday, April 24th, 2015

A Timeline of Prom

Time Guys Girls
30 days before prom Reach new level in Call of Duty Stress about date
29 days before prom New Call of Duty level too hard, retreat to safer level Stress to parents about lack of date
27 days before prom Xbox controller battery runs out, too lazy to replace Mom tries to set you up with book-club friend’s son
25 days before prom Wonder why all girls are so attractive recently Start posting a ridiculous amount of attractive selfies on Insta. Like seriously too many
23 days before prom Oh. Prom. Consider taking a distant cousin
13 days before prom Mistakenly ask a girl “Hey, are you going to prom?” FINALLY GET ASKED
11 days before prom Realize she thought that was the ask. You now have a date YOU HAVE TOLD EVERYONE. The Insta gets 100 likes
9 days before prom Mistakenly strip in stu for tuxedo fitting Realize you have the same dress as someone else. Burn it.
7 days before prom Cut toenails Test out different self-tanners
5 days before prom Flex and wink at self in mirror Practice candid smiles in the mirror
3 days before prom Ask Mom to put an extra scoop of protein powder in morning smoothie Begin teeth whitening regimen
2 days before prom Consider shaving Pluck every leg hair
1 day before prom Feeling good. Re-attempt higher level of Call of Duty CRY. THIS IS ALL HAPPENING SO FAST. LIFE IS PASSING SO QUICKLY
12 hours before prom Breathe into hand, smell for bad breath Go to hair salon, nail salon, dentist, dermatologist, psychiatrist, gynecologist, church, synagogue, Holy Land, Israel
6 hours before prom Roll over Lotion. EVERYTHING.
3 hours before prom Scratch self Put on dress
2 hours before prom Wake up Haven’t moved for an hour
1 hour before prom Shower (?) Practice taking pictures with dad for when date shows up
PROM OH MY GOD YOU FORGOT YOUR DATE “He’s on his way. He’s just stuck in traffic. He’s coming. He definitely didn’t forget me. I know he’ll be here.”

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Posted by The Milton Measure on Apr 24 2015. Filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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