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The Milton Measure

Government Shutdown Leads to Milton Academy Administration Shutdown

by The Milton Measure on Friday, October 11th, 2013

This is what happens in the days following…

Day 1: The math department is let go after being deemed “non-essential.”

Day 2: The surveys on the Class I conference become irrelevant since we can neither afford homecoming nor DJ Pup Dawg.

Day 3: Oxfam week becomes Oxfam year.

Day 4: Internet proxy disappears due to a lack of funding; Norris boys download mass amounts of videos.

Day 7: Salima Sarsenova (I) wears a groutfit.

Day 9: All security guards are let go and the boy’s baseball field is no longer patrolled at night.

Day 10: Mr. Heard drops his backpack in the middle of the Student Center.

Day 13: Mr. Bland’s diplomatic trips to Spain are cancelled. Mr. Ball is sent instead.

Day 17: Football is forced to use one shower to conserve water (but that shouldn’t be a problem).

Day 21: OBK is forced to make cuts and reduce its size to a mere 39 co-heads.

Day 24: Nobles day athletic events are replaced by gambling games in hopes of making money to pay off debts.

Day 26: DSGs kidnap Starbucks baristas, forcing them to brew iced coffees in the now empty Dean’s office.

Day 30: All the books in Straus are used as firewood.

Day 42: The grass on the quad turns brown.

Day 57: Cam Park (I) fills the void and rises as dictator.

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Posted by The Milton Measure on Oct 11 2013. Filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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