Government Shutdown Leads to Milton Academy Administration Shutdown
by The Milton Measure on Friday, October 11th, 2013
This is what happens in the days following…
Day 1: The math department is let go after being deemed “non-essential.”
Day 2: The surveys on the Class I conference become irrelevant since we can neither afford homecoming nor DJ Pup Dawg.
Day 3: Oxfam week becomes Oxfam year.
Day 4: Internet proxy disappears due to a lack of funding; Norris boys download mass amounts of videos.
Day 7: Salima Sarsenova (I) wears a groutfit.
Day 9: All security guards are let go and the boy’s baseball field is no longer patrolled at night.
Day 10: Mr. Heard drops his backpack in the middle of the Student Center.
Day 13: Mr. Bland’s diplomatic trips to Spain are cancelled. Mr. Ball is sent instead.
Day 17: Football is forced to use one shower to conserve water (but that shouldn’t be a problem).
Day 21: OBK is forced to make cuts and reduce its size to a mere 39 co-heads.
Day 24: Nobles day athletic events are replaced by gambling games in hopes of making money to pay off debts.
Day 26: DSGs kidnap Starbucks baristas, forcing them to brew iced coffees in the now empty Dean’s office.
Day 30: All the books in Straus are used as firewood.
Day 42: The grass on the quad turns brown.
Day 57: Cam Park (I) fills the void and rises as dictator.
Short URL: http://miltonmeasure.org/?p=5229