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The Milton Measure

Changes Coming to the Milton Community After Election Day

by The Milton Measure on Friday, November 2nd, 2012

Obama Victory:

1. Completely renovated and revamped health center. Student center sold to pay medical bills.

2. Navy Seal Team 6 wins Gotcha for the next four years.

3. @stang_whisperer taken out in predator drone strike.

4. Administrators given permission to use enhanced interrogation techniques on students. “Failure to be straightforward in the DC process” drops sharply.

5. Nobles is five years closer to getting a nuclear weapon.

6. F.L.A.G. funded by Democratic National Committee, receives $10 million dollar annual budget.

7. Mysterious post-grad recruit “Barry O.” joins varsity basketball, wins championship.


Romney Victory:

1. Health center demolished. Sick students told to “walk it off.”

2. Lorax/Sustainability Board disbanded.

3. Religion courses give science credits, Pritzker Science Center converted to church.

4. P90X instruction video chosen as summer movie. Paul Ryan takes over Darlings program.

5. Romney sues Facebook for copyright infringement, claims Zuckerberg stole his idea for social media site BindersFullofWomen.

6. Administration purchases 2nd aircraft carrier.

7. Mr. Bland asked to prove his citizenship.



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Posted by The Milton Measure on Nov 2 2012. Filed under Humor. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

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