Things You Never Want to Hear Your Pilot Announce Over the Intercom
by The Milton Measure on Friday, October 5th, 2012
Yep. That was a goose.
Well, not to worry folks. I’ve heard that during a legitimate malfunction, the plane actually has ways to avoid crashing.
Is this thing on? Christ, I don’t even know what half of these buttons do.
Say…ever seen a grown man naked?
TURN THE FLEET AROUND! IT’S A TRAP!
Hello everyone, this is your co-pilot Amelia Earheart.
Nope. That was not turbulence. I may or may not have been playing slalom with the clouds.
I’d like to address some of the complaints regarding our not showing the safety videos. Guys. Please. We’ll be flying at 35,000 feet over the Arctic…if something goes wrong, we’re all $#!%ed.
As part of a new Save-the-Planet initiative, we’ll be going with the windows open instead of AC.
That’s no moon. It’s a space station.
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
We are pleased to announce our new complimentary on-the-roof pet transport service.
NO WE ARE NOT THERE YET. JUST SHUT UP. DON’T MAKE ME COME BACK THERE. DO YOU WANT ME TO PULL OVER? DO YOU WANT ME TO DO THAT?
Evening, ladies and gentlemen, I’m Jon Esty (I), and I’d like to present our in-flight entertainment. Ahem. Chapter 1. Call me Ishmael…
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